living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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