My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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