Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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