I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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