The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
