If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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