You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
