She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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