By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
