Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
