maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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