I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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