for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
