haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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