There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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