I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
