I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
