i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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