By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
