Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
