please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
