my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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