are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
