At least make sure they are 18
Why
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
