It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize