I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
