Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
