took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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