there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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