that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
