Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
