it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
