I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
