he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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