Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
