my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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