i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
