she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
