i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
