i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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