I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
