why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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