Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
