At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
