Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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