i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
