Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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