i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize