Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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