i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
