the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
