OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
