i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
