...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ruined the universe
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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