Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
