all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
