I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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