I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
