Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
