is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
