You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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