who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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