dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
