I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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