nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
