3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
