conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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