If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
