he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
