we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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