just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
