im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
