when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
