I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
