The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
