My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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