you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
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I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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