Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
