I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
