we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
