At least make sure they are 18
Why
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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